Thursday, April 7, 2011

Vows...are they really forever anymore

yes, I do still exist! It's been way too long since I blogged, but life snuck up on me this past week. I completed my first 5k (in 33 minutes I might add), sold our old house, and my husband might be transferring bases and becoming full time ANG. So busy is an understatement.

Now to get deep and philosophical, or at least as philosophical as I get.

I am a total history nerd. Now that I have admitted that I can admit this: I have been watching the kennedys mini series this week. Yes, I know how bad the reviews were but I just love this stuff. It is so awesome to watch this famous family and their journey through tragedy and accomplishments. Anyway to stay on topic I should mention it shows how JFK and his father were basically man whores during the first couple episodes. And that is putting it nicely. They cheated, their wives knew they cheated, and they all accepted it as part of their marriage. This flabbergasted me. Could this ever really work?

I mean, I know couples who do this. Who know and accept on going and continuous infidelity. But is that really even considered a marriage? Do vows mean anything anymore?

we vow to stay married, to stay faithful, to stay even when it flat out sucks ( except I think its a little more poetic than that) but how many actually keep those vows now?

I think about our marriages as military marriages. We are kind of known for a high infidelity rate. We see a lot of absence, distance, and loneliness. Does it really make us stronger? Or is that just what we tell ourselves in order to make it through, to survive.

So where is all of these ramblings going- well I don't really know. Infidelity among the military is rampant. We all know someone whose spouse has cheated while deployed, tdy, or at some school. But why is it so rampant? Why is so hard for some to stay faithful

What are your thoughts? Is it harder for military or just our society in general now. Is it because of the way we devalue families? Have we have lost all respect for the vows? I feel like all we are taught is how marriages should bring you happiness. Well sometimes marriage blows, but you can't give up then. You have to realize marriage isn't suppose to be paradise, it's suppose to be a journey of growth. We as a society must begin to teach a younger generation that marriage is not about me or romance or those fuzzy feelings

A friend of mine read a quote somewhere about how marriage isn't about bringing you happiness, it's about bringing you holiness.

I think if we got back to the basics and started really portraying marriage for what it is, we would have a lot less divorce. I am so sick of seeing the endless love story in movies. That is not real! Marriage is so far beyond that. It is a mature love. I hope to show my girls that a true love isn't always fuzzies and romancing, but simplicity sometimes.

For me, marriage is realizing he puts the coffee on in the morning so you can sleep an extra 5 minutes. It's no longer ALL roses and chocolates (those that is nice Ry ;) ), but instead a simple act that makes your day better. It's selflessness to the tee.



  1. I wanted to add that that I don't think that people who get cheated on can doing anything about it. You can't control someone else's actions. I am just calling for more awareness of what marriage and love really is so that the cheater maybe more realistic. Thus making them less likey to cheat and cause this damage

  2. I agree with you that marriage is about mature love and not always butterflies and sweetness. The hardest part is when you live your life that way, but your spouse does something devastating like cheat. I am currently living through this. My husband has tried to make amends. We're still married, and it's been almost a year. But it still hurts like it happened yesterday, and that's a long year of hurt. I don't know if it will ever get better. So yes, marriage is about commitment, and I am still trying to be committed. However, I can honestly and with a clean conscience say that I did everything in my power to be a good wife and make him "less likely" to cheat, but in the end you can't control another person. I was completely taken by surprise that he could do it, and now I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust him again.

  3. great job on the 5k! I really think some people take getting married lightly these days. I feel sorry for people that have been cheated on and hope that their hearts heal.

  4. The series we're going through right now at church talks about how marriage is there to make you holy, not happy. It's an amazing way to look at it. Even for someone who's not yet married.


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