Thursday, April 28, 2011

I'm Alive!!!!


I know its been a while but I am still ALIVE! I have just had some writer's block and a busy life lately. But now I am back! I know you are ALL soooo relieved!

Ok, so for my thoughts of the day. Are you ready for this?

Why do we as adults still desperately and secretly seek our parents approval on our lives?

We say it doesn't matter what they think or say about our choices, but deep down it really does. The reality is we want them to be proud, to be impressed, to be happy with the lives we are choosing for ourselves and our families. And even though it might not affect our decision or choice directly, it does indirectly because their disapproving looks and words are in the back of our minds.

I am sure for my military spouse followers all of this is ringing a bell? As military spouses, many of our own family do not understand why we have made this choice for ourselves. They don't understand why we choose to to live a life that requires us to be alone so much. Why we chose to take on being the rock of the family, being the one who has to do a lot more work in partnership. 

They respect and appreciate our husbands, their sacrifice, their own freedom.  BUT they don't understand our sacrifice. They don't see our sacrifice as fair to us. 

Our sacrifice is how we serve our country though. No, we don't have a uniform or rank. But we serve our country in a such a special way. We enlisted when we said I do, plain and simple. 

Oh, now I am rambling. Ok back on topic, I don't know how we go there. Parents. As adults we are free to make our own choices. But some of those choices get tainted, they get the joy and excitement sucked right out of them because our parents don't approve. Does it ever get better? Do we ever stop seeking their approval?


Monday, April 18, 2011

Why can't the world stop for us?

 I write tonight's post with a heavy heavy heart. The last couple of days have been spent reflecting on my past journey with grief and just life and grief in general. You see a very dear friend of mine suffered a miscarriage this week. Now I have never suffered a tragic loss of a child, but I have suffered from my share of unbearable grief.

My mom was killed a little over 5 years go. And she was the center of my life at the time, my rock. I went through some really rough and dark times. My grief almost consumed my life, it did take over for a good 2 years. But, this isn't about me, that was just background info :)

Ok back to the topic, I was able to go and spend some time with my friend tonight. And I was reminded of a few things. I remember at the beginning of my grief journey it seemed like I was on pause and the world was in fast forward. I couldn't understand why the world wasn't stopping with me. Why, How could people go on living their lives like normal, smiling, laughing. Didn't they get that I was numb, that I wasn't ready to "move on" How could they all be such inconsiderate jerks!

Now I realize of course it was because those people were strangers. They didn't know what was going on in my world, inside of me. They had no idea that I was crumbling inside right before their eyes.

I reflect today on all of this and consider a notion, "Is grief and loss everywhere?"

How do you know that your check out girl or postman or fellow mother at the park isn't going through some loss that is horrific to them? On the outside they look at least sane, but on the inside they could be consumed with  a reality so harsh they feel like they are gasping for breath.

I know death and loss are a part of life, that they make you stronger, they make you appreciate more. But the bottom line is they SUCK.
All you want is to be normal, to be back to the before. But you feel robbed of your past and of your future. 
You can probably only relate if you have felt a loss that strong. A loss that rocks your entire foundation. 
I am not leaving you readers with a question tonight, but just a suggestion.
Consider this next time you see a random stranger somewhere. What if there world is crumbling inside? What if they are suffering from something that is shaking them to the core? 

What could YOU do right then to maybe make life easier? 

It might be something as simple as being polite to someone who is serving you or making small talk to a mom who is alone at waterpark. That simple action could help that silent sufferer more than you ever know. I know it always did me. 


Tuesday, April 12, 2011

The great debate: Minivan vs suv

I have finally reached the breaking point...I am considering a minivan *cringe*

I have always been an suv girl, in fact I always said I would walk before driving a minivan! But, now that we have 2 crazy girlies running around glitterizing our entire existence, I am discovering my suv might not be as practical as I thought. And now that we are hoping to add number 3 within the next year, well you get the picture.

I love my suv, it even has 3rd row, but I realized 3rd row in an suv with carseats is practically useless. And if you use it, forget about trunk space! Soooo, I find myself browsing dealerships online, looking at minivans, and actually wanting one! I never would have guessed I would want a minivan. I am suppose to be the cool mom, the hip mom....what's happening to me? Am I really picking function over image?

In order to help me ease the pain of this evolving that has taken place I have convinced myself 1. Minivans are cool now, swagger wagon anyone? And I stand by this statement 2. They are so much more functional and let's face it, with 2 kids in carseats that is ALL that matters anymore, 3. Automatic doors are awesome with a capital A and 4. I will always be the cool, hip mom. period, no exceptions! Or at least until my girls hit teen hood and decide I am the dumbest person who ever looked their way.

So what are your thoughts? SUV or minivan?

I just cant help but think am I turning into the crunchy, soccer mom? Here's to hoping the mom jeans don't follow ;)


Thursday, April 7, 2011

Vows...are they really forever anymore

yes, I do still exist! It's been way too long since I blogged, but life snuck up on me this past week. I completed my first 5k (in 33 minutes I might add), sold our old house, and my husband might be transferring bases and becoming full time ANG. So busy is an understatement.

Now to get deep and philosophical, or at least as philosophical as I get.

I am a total history nerd. Now that I have admitted that I can admit this: I have been watching the kennedys mini series this week. Yes, I know how bad the reviews were but I just love this stuff. It is so awesome to watch this famous family and their journey through tragedy and accomplishments. Anyway to stay on topic I should mention it shows how JFK and his father were basically man whores during the first couple episodes. And that is putting it nicely. They cheated, their wives knew they cheated, and they all accepted it as part of their marriage. This flabbergasted me. Could this ever really work?

I mean, I know couples who do this. Who know and accept on going and continuous infidelity. But is that really even considered a marriage? Do vows mean anything anymore?

we vow to stay married, to stay faithful, to stay even when it flat out sucks ( except I think its a little more poetic than that) but how many actually keep those vows now?

I think about our marriages as military marriages. We are kind of known for a high infidelity rate. We see a lot of absence, distance, and loneliness. Does it really make us stronger? Or is that just what we tell ourselves in order to make it through, to survive.

So where is all of these ramblings going- well I don't really know. Infidelity among the military is rampant. We all know someone whose spouse has cheated while deployed, tdy, or at some school. But why is it so rampant? Why is so hard for some to stay faithful

What are your thoughts? Is it harder for military or just our society in general now. Is it because of the way we devalue families? Have we have lost all respect for the vows? I feel like all we are taught is how marriages should bring you happiness. Well sometimes marriage blows, but you can't give up then. You have to realize marriage isn't suppose to be paradise, it's suppose to be a journey of growth. We as a society must begin to teach a younger generation that marriage is not about me or romance or those fuzzy feelings

A friend of mine read a quote somewhere about how marriage isn't about bringing you happiness, it's about bringing you holiness.

I think if we got back to the basics and started really portraying marriage for what it is, we would have a lot less divorce. I am so sick of seeing the endless love story in movies. That is not real! Marriage is so far beyond that. It is a mature love. I hope to show my girls that a true love isn't always fuzzies and romancing, but simplicity sometimes.

For me, marriage is realizing he puts the coffee on in the morning so you can sleep an extra 5 minutes. It's no longer ALL roses and chocolates (those that is nice Ry ;) ), but instead a simple act that makes your day better. It's selflessness to the tee.