Monday, April 18, 2011

Why can't the world stop for us?

 I write tonight's post with a heavy heavy heart. The last couple of days have been spent reflecting on my past journey with grief and just life and grief in general. You see a very dear friend of mine suffered a miscarriage this week. Now I have never suffered a tragic loss of a child, but I have suffered from my share of unbearable grief.

My mom was killed a little over 5 years go. And she was the center of my life at the time, my rock. I went through some really rough and dark times. My grief almost consumed my life, it did take over for a good 2 years. But, this isn't about me, that was just background info :)

Ok back to the topic, I was able to go and spend some time with my friend tonight. And I was reminded of a few things. I remember at the beginning of my grief journey it seemed like I was on pause and the world was in fast forward. I couldn't understand why the world wasn't stopping with me. Why, How could people go on living their lives like normal, smiling, laughing. Didn't they get that I was numb, that I wasn't ready to "move on" How could they all be such inconsiderate jerks!

Now I realize of course it was because those people were strangers. They didn't know what was going on in my world, inside of me. They had no idea that I was crumbling inside right before their eyes.

I reflect today on all of this and consider a notion, "Is grief and loss everywhere?"

How do you know that your check out girl or postman or fellow mother at the park isn't going through some loss that is horrific to them? On the outside they look at least sane, but on the inside they could be consumed with  a reality so harsh they feel like they are gasping for breath.

I know death and loss are a part of life, that they make you stronger, they make you appreciate more. But the bottom line is they SUCK.
All you want is to be normal, to be back to the before. But you feel robbed of your past and of your future. 
You can probably only relate if you have felt a loss that strong. A loss that rocks your entire foundation. 
I am not leaving you readers with a question tonight, but just a suggestion.
Consider this next time you see a random stranger somewhere. What if there world is crumbling inside? What if they are suffering from something that is shaking them to the core? 

What could YOU do right then to maybe make life easier? 

It might be something as simple as being polite to someone who is serving you or making small talk to a mom who is alone at waterpark. That simple action could help that silent sufferer more than you ever know. I know it always did me. 


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